Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
