how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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