I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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