When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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