my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
