I bet he comes in French.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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