Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
