cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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