i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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