david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
