someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
