My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
