you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
