i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
