Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
