I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
