mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
