That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
