i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
