So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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