My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
