when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
