You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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