I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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