You're my little dorito
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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