you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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