Where is the hickey?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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