YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
