Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i believe in u and ur pee
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
