you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
