Apparently you make a good broom.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
