I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
