i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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