The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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