When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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