He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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