i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize