So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
