i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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