Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize