I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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