i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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