Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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