You're my little dorito
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've blown a few things in my day
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize