Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's blow job season.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
