I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
