hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
