he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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