Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
