It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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