Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
