i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
