Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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