so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
