We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
