ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
