dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
