A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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