My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
