They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
