She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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