Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
