He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
