If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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