some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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