It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
