saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
