You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
