Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize