I will die if light touches me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
