Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
