And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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