just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he puts the penis in happiness.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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