Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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