I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
