There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
